Someone once referred to Alzheimers Disease as The Long Goodbye. It can go on for years. You watch someone you love lose little pieces of themselves and struggle to find them. You watch a healthy, happy person turn into a frail little bedridden shell. A shadow of their former selves. My Dad is at that stage. He is like a frail little newborn bird.
Earlier this week I got woken up in the middle of the night by the phone ringing. “You need to come, we don’t expect him to make it through to morning”. We hastily pack, make phone calls, drive for hours and prepare, again, for his passing. We keep the bedside vigil. We prepare for what is to come. And over the next few days, beyond all odds he improves. He survives and slowly gets stronger, begins to respond again, to smile, to eat. His heart is so strong that he just keeps going, even as his body and mind keep fading away.
I think death is like birth, it has it’s own process, it’s own timing. But I think Alzheimer’s is one of the cruelest diseases of all. For everyone.
So we have arrived home again last night. Feeling mentally, physically and emotionally exhausted. The Eulogy I’d started writing is in my bag, waiting the finishing touches. It feels surreal to come back home and just resume our daily lives after days of preparing for Dad to die. I just pray that he will go to sleep one day and not wake up. We’ve been saying This Long Goodbye to each other since 2006.
I’m staying home from work today. I’ve decided I’ll finish the Eulogy over the next few days, and prepare the service. DH suggested I make a ‘go bag’ for the next time we get the call and I think that’s a good idea so I’m going to do that as well. I don’t write about Dad much anymore but he is never far from my thoughts and is still a big part of our life. I guess I still struggle with how much to share here 
I’ll get back to more financial updates in a few days.
I am not looking forward to the time where I experience those goodbyes. Watching one of your loved ones change in all ways, when they have Alzheimers, is nearly impossible to explain to someone who hasn’t experienced it. My thoughts and prayers will be with you in these days ahead.
[Reply]
It sure is a hard thing to deal with. We watched my grandfather suffer with it for several years. Then one night he just passed quietly in his sleep. It was kind of a blessing and I’m glad he didn’t have to suffer through living in a nursing home or being sick in a hospital.
[Reply]
So sorry to hear such terribly sad news, Louise. I hope you can write the Eulogy just how you want it, I’m sure it will beautiful. My husband’s grandmother died just on 2 years ago after many years with Altzheimer’s. The last few weeks she was completely bedridden and not eating. It was confronting to watch but she was not in pain or discomfort. In the end, she died in her sleep. Thoughts and prayers are with you in the time ahead.
[Reply]
My father too had Alzheimer’s and I understand what you are saying. I grieved for him as he struggled, and no longer knew my name. I grieved for him when he passed away, but it was bittersweet as I knew that he was in heaven and I would not have to introduce myself to him ever again. Sending a virtual hug (or three) your way. {{{Hug}}}
[Reply]
Oh Louise, I’m so sorry to hear this. Please know your family is in my thoughts.
[Reply]
I’m so very sorry for what you’re going through…
My grandfather died from this horrible disease, so I do understand how it robs you of time… my prayers are with you.
[Reply]
I’m so sorry, Louise, the whole situation is heartbreaking. You are all in my thoughts.
[Reply]
thanks for the support, I really do appreciate your comments – I find it quite difficult at times as there is only me deal with the situation. Most people don’t want to know or hear about it so I tend to just keep it to myself. It’s nice to hear back from people who understand.
[Reply]
Louise,
Not that our situations are similar at all, but I feel that i said good bye to my dad (he passed dec 2012) for months before. We were his caregivers for a while. He had his mind but had all but given up on living.
I am sending you a virtual hug!!
Lisa
[Reply]